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Andrew Christie

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tandoori

Faheem Fast Food – Not entirely a flubboodha-free zone

March 27, 2016 by Andrew Christie 2 Comments

faheem1Everybody was all like “Ooh, ooh, I want to come to Faheem’s,” which suited us because more people means more dishes to try. But then of course it was all, “I can’t do Friday…” and “… they’ve changed the roster…” and “…they changed it back again…” then there was, “…this bug is going around the school…” and of course “…jetlagged.” So it was a bit of an easter miracle that four of us were able to synchronise our schedules and home in on Enmore Road on Saturday night.

The final make up of the party was Strop and me, with the Stropolina and her new beau, the Lifesaver, so at least there were enough of us to seriously over order without looking too greedy.

Faheem Fast Food is a bit of an urban legend around our area. Its fluoro lighting, tiled walls, and no-nonsense tables have been greeting taxi drivers, families and hipsters since… well, for a very long time. They serve up splendid Pakistani and Indian dishes in a very timely manner, so much so that it has restored my faith in nominative determinism.

Our first stop though, was a little bar called Midnight Special, because Faheem might be fast but he is not licensed. Strop and I stopped here last Tuesday before going on to see the wonderful Tedeschi Trucks Band at the Enmore Theatre. As well as good beers and an excellent blues soundtrack, they were offering bao buns with a variety of protein based fillings. I thought that the pulled pork with lots of Asian flavours was particularly yummy, but Strop compared the actual bao bun as being a bit like a thong. Which led to a brief moment of confusion until she clarified that she was referring to footwear. On Saturday night the place was a lot more crowded and the soundtrack a lot less interesting (70s/80s hits and misses — all filler, no thriller). We had our one drink and toddled on up the road to Faheem’s with the soundtrack now changed to the Stropolina going “I want to go to that one… and that one too, ooh look at that, it too.” Good that she is so loyal to the family enterprise. I’m not sure what the Lifesaver made of it all, especially when we tried to explain to him the concept of rating accessibility according to the Susan Scale. He was able to point out the best late night kebab spots on Enmore Road though, so he is already proving his worth.

We were seated at the back of Faheem’s, just outside the kitchen, and conveniently close to the help-yourself-to-drinks fridge. My only stipulation on the ordering front was that we had to have something from the tandoor. Strop and the Stropolina handled the rest of it.

In no time at all a splendid spread was laid out in front of us. A whole bright-orange-with-black-charcoaly-bits tandoori chicken, was quickly followed by, dahl, chick peas, a goat korma masala, aloo gosht, and of course, garlic naan.

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It. Was. All. Excellent – although the Stropolina did think that there was too much “flubboodha” in the goat. This is her term for any animal-based food that is not meat. She has a very low tolerance for discrete bits of fat, gristle or any kind of connective tissue. We have learned to make allowances as she has so many other redeeming features.

Faheem provides a no-frills service. Help yourself to soft drinks, lassi, or chilled water from the fridge. The glasses are just as likely to be hot, coming straight from the dishwasher, but at least the water is cold. It is relaxed, cheerful, and extremely tasty. You need to go. Now.

In terms of ratings:

Accessibility: 5/5 Susans – and there is a carpark out the back.

Value? Up there I’d say, 4/5 Wendys.

Salt? Didn’t notice, so I guess that is 5/5 Debs.

Midnight Special though, deserves a special accessibility mention. The toilets are up three stairs, which means 0/5 Susans for them.

Next up might be a Portuguese Chicken joint, I’ll have to check and get back to you.

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Filed Under: Encore, Quest Tagged With: Blues, goat, naan, tandoori, tedeschi trucks band

581 Tandoori Express – I should know better

June 7, 2015 by Andrew Christie 2 Comments

581 tandoori express

I wasn’t expecting much from Tandoori Express. Partly, it was the name, but the bain-maries glimpsed through the window didn’t hold out much hope either. On the other hand, Jim and Matt were quite keen to accompany us and I should have known that it wasn’t just the promise of our sparkling company. Those two are fairly discerning diners – they do their research before they commit. There is no way we would have got them along to the unlamented Simply Noodles for instance.

It’s a Friday night outing again, the best kind. The week over and the weekend starting early. A quiet beer in a pub first – bring it on.

Inside, Tandoori Express is surprisingly welcoming. It smells great and there are cushions, and even table cloths. Sure there is a bain-marie, but I was expecting a takeaway joint with a few laminex tables. Now I’m getting my hopes up. Matt and Strop are sent off to fetch beers. More beers, as far as Jim and I are concerned. We have taken the time to give ourselves a head start.

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A quick perusal of the menus reveals a tendency towards alliteration. This is something I can relate to, a harmless way to entertain yourself while quietly annoying others. What better fun is there? So we have Chicken Creations, Blissful Beef, Legendary Lamb and Sensational Seafood. For starters we order a mixed entree platter to share. This comes to the table sizzling and requires a little bit of delicate surgery to divide it up evenly. But it is well worth the effort, there are chicken bits, a kebab thing and onion bhajis. Just out of interest, has anyone ever heard of any other type of bhaji? Just curious.

“This is quite good,” is the mildly surprised verdict, as the food rapidly vanishes.

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Beers are consumed. Words are discussed. Why is everything curated these days. Or triaged? What did we used to do? Organise things? Prioritise things? Is it a sign of the times or just that there are more thesauruses about? (Thesauri? Fucked if I know.) Can I please have another of those excellent beers.

For mains we have gone with the Bhoona Beef, in deference to the alliterative imperative, Prawn Malabari Jheenga, and Chicken Dopiaza. And naan, lots of naan. And rice. Yum.

Double yum in fact. The food is excellent.

While we are stuffing our faces, Jim informs us that he has successfully persuaded his school to purchase xylophones for his Year One students, so they can all do music together. He is planning to teach them to play Highway to Hell at next month’s assembly – I think that was what he said. Anyway the kids are loving it, and it is great to see our young minds in such enthusiastic hands. And it great to see someone with so much to offer make the transition from a retrenchment-track academic to a primary school teacher. Well done, old son.

When we had eaten just enough so that we could hardly move, we paid up and tottered out into the night, leaving Tandoori Express to a deliver up terrific takeaways to the blokes making their way home from the pubs.

God, it’s getting to be a long way home these days.

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Filed Under: Quest Tagged With: alliteration, bain-marie, Indian, tandoori

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